Movies can be about a thousand different things- good, great, bad, pathetic. Unfortunately for us movie-goers, some can even be as terrible as " Kazaam".  In 2007, several of these movies were even worse. At least “Kazaam,” could claim to have Shaq-Diesel in its cast.  This year we had to endure jokes such as Lindsay Lohan acting, Larry the Cable Guy getting another movie in theatres, and... well, I wouldn't want to ruin the number one film on this list.

#5 “I Know Who Killed Me”

            If you’re anything like me you sometimes walk out of a theatre and think to yourself, “If it wasn’t for that one thing that would have been an okay movie.”  In this instance, “I Know Who Killed Me,” is sort of like that, but instead of one thing it was everything.
            People have thought for some time that Lindsay Lohan was capable of acting, but in 2007 people finally came around.  Sure she played a cute 10-year old red-head in Disney movies as a child.  But this isn’t the early 90's anymore, and I’m quite positive we can find cute faces that can actually stay sober long enough to learn their lines and show up on time to the set.  Sometimes I find myself wondering if the reason she acts so poorly is that her scripts are just hidden beneath props on the set and that she’s reading them for the first time.
            Outside of Lindsay Lohan, this movie also failed to be intriguing in any way (to say the least).  The plot was poorly constructed (at best), and the lighting of the film was awkward (possibly a trick to hide more of Lohan’s unread scripts?).
            I’m not saying you shouldn’t watch this movie.  Perhaps you enjoy watching a post-cocaine binging Lohan doing stripteases.  Maybe you even like poor acting.  But most likely you’ll enjoy laughing at this film as if it’s the “Mystery Science Theatre 3000” home edition starter kit.  Just put the movie in and remember that someone thought this thing was good enough to pay Lohan a few million... the laughs are sure to follow.

#4 “Premonition”

            This one is hard for me because I actually do like Sandra Bullock.  I think she’s a damn good actress who decided to pick one of the worst movies of 2007 to act in.  This thing was simply too complex of a movie to get the “Hollywood” treatment.   I tend to think movies with plot lines as confusing as “Premonition” tend to work better as independent films where directors are more apt to be artistic.  Without that key element this film simply flopped in every aspect.
            The stale camera work was my primary concern for this movie. Nothing out of the ordinary took place, and as I said, without some artistic flair this film was doomed from the beginning.
            Another problem for me was the acting.  Bullock did little to remind me why I loved her in early works such as “Speed,” “The Net,” and “28 Days.”  This could be the beginning of the end of the Bullock we know; I hope I’m wrong, but over the past few years she’s admitted to enjoying work behind the camera more and more. As far as this film is concerned, I can only imagine that the studios agree with that decision.  Outside of Bullock, Julian McMahon, of hit FX show “Nip/Tuck,” did little to improve upon the acting.  He coasted through scenes and I just never could see him as anyone other than Dr. Christian Troy, his TV role.

#3 “Norbit”

            Do you remember when Eddie Murphy was funny?  I actually do, but after seeing his latest film I wish I didn’t.  This is the type of movie that makes you want to erase all the credit you gave him for his work on SNL, the Beverly Hills Cops series, and hit comedies like “Trading Places,” and “Coming to America.”
            Sometimes a formula dies, and the "playing multiple characters" formula has been strangled, dismembered, and buried under Giants' Stadium by Eddie Murphy.  As long as I can remember Murphy was always good at playing several entertaining parts in a comedy.  At some point this idea either died, or simply mutated.  I shudder at the thought of ever seeing Murphy play a 400 lb. woman again.  It’s just not right.
            I could probably think of a thousand more reasons why I listed this movie as the third worst of 2007, but there would be no point.  The worst part of this movie was that it was just another step towards me writing off an actor that once had a great career.  Maybe we’ll get lucky and he’ll change his name before releasing another stinker like this one.  At least then he won’t be able to give us reason to hate his old works.

#2 “Delta Farce”

            I have to be honest, I’ve never seen this movie… and I never will.  That’s why it’s #2 on my list.  This movie looked so bad that I considered gouging my eyes out just to avoid the previews whenever they came on.  Then I remembered one of my greatest inventions, called "the remote control," and I breathed a sigh of relief.
            Why do you people do this to me?  I know some of you out there actually find this no-talent ass clown funny, and because of you I have to deal with the fact that movie studios are willing to fund hillbilly comedies that are unappealing to 90% of our population. I hope that 90% is lowballing it, but I’m assuming 1 out of 10 people are dumb enough to laugh at this man.  Seriously, why would anyone find this guy funny?  He’s fake, and he’s not funny.  I made the same fart jokes as this guy when I was 6; nobody laughed then, and nobody is laughing now.
            If you were one of the people who were dumb enough to even consider seeing "Delta Farce," then I would like to see an apology email… seriously.  A few bucks sent to Arabian Monkey would also be a good start.  It could be considered a restitution fee.

#1 “The Brothers Solomon”

            Ouch, trying to recall why I hated this movie so much hurts me- partly because it sucked so badly and partly because I’m afraid I may have to watch it again to remember (I spent a lot of time trying to suppress my memories of this disaster).  I would like to say in an alternate universe, possibly in another time; this movie could have been funny... no, it couldn’t.  It stunk, the worst of 2007 by far and for more reasons than I possibly care to list. Here's a start: bad acting, bad writing, poor casting, bad editing, dumb music, horrible scenery, awful plotline, no intelligent aspects at all, awful shooting, poor jokes, and bad cameos.(How the hell can a cameo be bad? When you pick unknown actors to cameo in scenarios that don't make sense- that's how.)
            Overall this film just didn’t do it for me.  Unless by IT you mean killing a little bit of my love for movies, in which case it did accomplish IT.  Will Arnett had such a good year outside of this movie, but this insanely bad film really stinks up everything else he had done so well.  Will Forte is young, and learning more each day at SNL, I hope.  Maybe one day he’ll bounce back and give us something that can actually make us laugh when it’s labeled a comedy... instead of making us cry.

 

 

 

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