It is common knowledge that Sportscenter has boasted many colorful anchors in its 28 year history. What some people don't know is that SC has also made some very regrettable decisions when it comes to on-air talent. The following list brings together the worst of the worst:

 

5. Captain Caveman

On the surface, Captain Caveman fits the mold that many television sportscasters fit into- loud, excitable, and well groomed. But when ESPN put him on the desk, all hell broke loose. In the middle of a Dallas Mavericks highlight, he leapt from his seat, shouted "CCAAAAAPPPPTTTAAAIIINNN CAAAAVVVEEEMMMAAAAANNNN!!!" and bludgeoned Stuart Scott with his club (hence Scott's wonky eye). Caveman then plunged his hand into his long, matted beard and pulled out Howie Scwab, placing him gently onto the anchor desk. Seconds later, despite some obvious aerodynamical deficiencies, Captain Caveman flew straight threw the ceiling. Although this created quite a mess, those associated with the show contended that Caveman's performance was the best they had ever seen.

 

4. Gallagher

Leo Gallagher's Sportscenter debut went swimmingly up until the final segment of the show, the "Top Ten Plays." Right before the number one highlight was about to air, Gallagher pulled a watermelon from under the desk and placed it between himself and Linda Cohn. By the time the anchors were back on camera, it was too late to stop the inevitable. Gallagher drew his hammer, and lunged forward with a forceful blow that blew the mellon and the desk into hundreds of sticky, seedy pieces. Audiences nationwide still didn't think he was funny.

 

3. Jabba the Hutt

When one thinks of affluent, intelligent, and clear sounding voices, Jabba the Hutt's does not come immediately to mind. However, ESPN decided to give the out of work glutton a shot; after all, John Madden has had critical success despite being one turducken away from a massive heart attack. Jabba wasn't a great anchor by any means, but his downfall had little to do with his on-air performance. The big problem with Jabba was that no other anchor would want to sit beside him. In fact, some anchors physically couldn't sit beside him. Therefore, Jabba's shows were often co-anchored by interns, creating a very low quality production. After a three week run at the 2:00am slot, SC gave the Hutt the boot. Apparently, TBS has not learned from ESPN's mistakes- Tony Gwynn was allowed to commentate games in this year's MLB playoffs.

ESPN forced interns to co-anchor with Jabba the Hutt during his brief run on the Sportscenter program. Lisa, seen here to the right, made it to the second commercial break before being devoured by the merciless Hutt.

 

2. Jesus

Seeking work post-crucifixion, Jesus applied countless times to ESPN for an anchor position. Eventually the whole "Son of God" thing forced corporate executives to give him a nod. Jesus got his start on Baseball Tonight, co-hosting the "Web Gems" segment with John Kruk. After a couple runs through the night's "miracle" plays, Sportscenter decided to allow Christ a primtetime anchoring job. His shows went pretty well, until a producer noticed that game results and scores kept getting changed. When the Yankees ended the MLB season 0-162 and the Dallas Cowboys (God's team) captured a Superbowl with a 19-0 record, a massive investigation began to link the savior to the turmoil in the sports world. Jesus was indicted on collusion charges, but before his scheduled court date, he ascended into Heaven- no one has seen him since.

 

1. Barney

In a desperate attempt to draw younger viewers to Sportscenter, the show cast Barney the dinosaur as a lead anchor for a brief period in '94. While toddler and pre-pubescent viewership increased 400%, the sportscasts themselves were a complete disaster. Barney couldn't get through five minutes of a show without wanting to reach over and give his co-anchor a hug. Oftentimes, he would turn a highlight into an annoying, repetitive children's song about numbers, letters, or not letting strangers give you free candy. Barney's friends Baby Bop and B.J. ran rampant in the halls, leading to three injuries and the catastrophic rape of Bob Ley, reenacted in tremendous detail on a sub-sequent episode of Behind The Lines. Eventually, ESPN had to put a stop to the chaos, and before a Friday 6:00pm show, they informed Barney that he would be anchoring his last show. Things went surprisingly well until the sign-off, when Barney placed his "magical bag" onto the desk and removed a small, fully loaded semi-automatic handgun. He hysterically shouted "Let's see what we can make today, yeah, let's see what we can make today," and proceeded to open fire on everyone in the studio. Lacking opposable thumbs, or even fingers for that matter, Barney was a terrible shot, and thankfully, no one was hurt. Over the roar of the gun fire, a producer peeked his head up from behind a teleprompter just in time to see Barney put three shells into his own enormous purple head. The shots missed the dinosaurs small, primitive brain, and he survived what could have been a catastrophic incident.