When choosing an O.J., it is of the utmost importance to consider which one best suits your needs. In fact, selecting the wrong O.J. could create catastrophic problems for you and your loved ones. It is imperative to understand the pros and cons of each O.J., so that you may make the correct choice.

 

Orange Juice

PROS

- A refreshing, delicious beverage

- High in Vitamin C content

- An essential part of a balanced breakfast

CONS

- High caloric content

- $2.89 a carton

- Sometimes you get waaayyyy too much pulp

 

 

O.J. Simpson

PROS

- Hall of Fame NFL runningback

- Street smart, with friends in low places

- Can get out of seemingly hopeless situations

CONS

- He probably killed a few people

-Very possessive, especially when it comes to sports memorabilia

- Johnnie Cochran is dead

 

Now it's time for a little quiz to determine just how proficient you are at selecting the correct O.J. in a given situation.

Question 1:

It is fourth and goal from the 2 yard-line. Your favorite NFL team trails the Miami Dolphins by four points. Which O.J. is best in this situation?

Answer:

 

Question 2:

You are assembling a well balanced breakfast of Cheerios, a banana, and some toast. Which O.J. would be perfect to complete your morning meal?

Answer:

 

Question 3:

You are really upset with your wife, and you are looking for someone to "take care of her." Which O.J. could you call upon to help you with this sticky situation?

Answer:

 

Question 4:

You have an 8-year-old son named Billy. Oh no! Billy's friend Jimmy stole Billy's favorite autographed football card. Which O.J. could you recruit to assemble an armed mob of criminals to break into Jimmy's house to take it back?

Answer:

 

Question 5:

Shit! You have scurvy!

Answer:

 

So how did you score?

5 correct: You know your O.J.s!

4 correct: You should be okay to go shopping at the grocery store by yourself.

3 correct: Maybe you should think twice before getting in that Ford Bronco.

2 correct: Don't you watch the news?!?

1 correct: I would see a doctor. I think you have some "retard" issues.

0 correct: Hey! Look over there! A puppy! No, but seriously, O.J. is innocent.You must acquit.

 

 

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