When we look to generalize this great country, we look at a number of places. Places like New York and L.A., where a lot of people reside. Sometimes we look at working class cities like Detroit, Chicago, or Pittsburgh. Other times we look at the bright stars in Hollywood to guide us.

So...

Question: Where in America don't we look for guidance for the future?

Answer: Iowa

So why does the Iowa caucus play such a big role in who will the Republican and Democratic ticket?

Let me just tell you this- the last time I listened to Iowa, I woke up naked with a VD (and a hanging chad) and voted for George W. Bush. I will NOT listen to Iowa again!

"Oh it burns!!! How could you do this to me?!"

I get so pissed off with the political process. We have all of the candidates in Iowa campaigning their asses off to a bunch of rednecks in "The Tall Corn State." What the hell is that? Let's not forget the other nickname that I just thought of while researching Iowa on Wikipedia- "The White People State." Don't believe it? Well, the racial makeup is 91 percent white, 4 percent Hispanic, and 2 percent black. Not very well rounded if you ask me. It definitely shouldn't influence the election of the highest office in the most powerful nation on Earth. Why not have all of the primaries at the same time? You know... to make it fair and equal and what not.

Iowa has an extremely small caucus anyways. New York's caucus is much bigger. In fact, most states have bigger caucusi(?) than Iowa. Who could Iowa really please with that small caucus? As far as I am concerned, Iowa can take its small caucus and shove it somewhere dark and seedy for all I care.

On a totally unrelated note, check out this story from The Associated Press:

"GARLAND, Texas - An essay that won a 6-year-old Texas girl four tickets to a Hannah Montana concert began with the powerful line: "My daddy died this year in Iraq."

While gripping, it was not true, and now the girl may lose her tickets.

Her mom acknowledged to contest organizers the claim was made up specifically to win the contest.

The sponsor of the contest was Club Libby Lu, a Chicago-based store that sells clothes, accessories and games for young girls.

The girl won a makeover that included a blonde Hannah Montana wig, as well as the grand prize: airfare for four to Albany, N. Y., and four tickets to the sold-out concert on Jan. 9.

The mother had told company officials that the girl's father died April 17 in a roadside bombing in Iraq.

"We did the essay and that's what we did to win," Priscilla Ceballos, the mother, said in an interview with Dallas TV station KDFW. "We did whatever we could do to win."

She had identified the soldier as Sgt. Jonathon Menjivar, but the Department of Defense has no record of anyone with that name dying in Iraq. Company spokeswoman Robyn Caulfield said the mother has admitted to the deception.

"We regret that the original intent of the contest, which was to make a little girl's holiday extra special, has not been realized in the way we anticipated," said Mary Drolet, the CEO of Club Libby Lu.

Drolet said the company is reviewing the matter, and is considering taking away the girl's tickets. "

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Hannah Montana is ripping at this nation's moral fibers! Damn you Miley Cyrus! When will you and your secular brethren stop attacking the innocent mothers and 6 year olds of this great nation?

"We did whatever we could do to win." That is a pretty big understatement. You trivialized the lives of thousands of people who have died for your freedoms, took away any chance your daughter had at being a moral human being, and ruined the holidays for a number of little girls who wrote essays about actual tragedies and experiences. You are one of the worst moms of the year.

And when are we going to start holding our 6 year olds accountable? I don't usually advocate the death penalty for 6 year olds, but come on. This is a crime against humanity! Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck really wanted those concert tickets! And we are going to let some shithead little girl take that away from them? When will Bill O'Reilly get that makeover he so desperately wants?

To further update the story, the ticket's were in fact taken back from the little girl. Unfortunately for The Gerk and Drokk, their essays still won't win them Hannah Montana tickets.

 

 

 

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