We all know about Ladanian Tomlinson. We know that he is quite possibly the best overall player in the history of Fantasy Football. We've heard about Chiefs' runningback Larry Johnson and Colts' QB Peyton Manning. Yeah, one can run really fast and the other can hurl a pigskin pretty far and pretty accurately. We know the likes of Patriots' wideout Randy Moss and the Chargers' tight-end Antonio Gates. I've heard they'll do pretty well for themselves in the National Football League this season. The media has played up the potential first round NFL fantasy picks since the end of the last football season, and fans around the nation are tired of seeing the stocks of players rise and fall day after day. Mel Kiper and his ESPN cronies have predicted picks into the last rounds of your fantasy draft, and it is doubtful that the coverage will stop any time soon. If you have not already held your fantasy draft, you will very soon, and it is essential that you take this article to heart. You need an edge over your opponents, and what the general public does not know is that many diamonds can be found in the rough outside of Ron Jaworski's draft board. I've compiled a top five list of the players you should look for come draft day...

5. OLB Hulk Hogan

Professional wrestler Brock Lesner made it to the third round of cuts when he tried out as a DT for the Minnesota Vikings two years ago. So why couldn't all-time great Hulk Hogan make a career in the NFL? Nay, you say, he's 53 years old! If Gordie Howe played professional hockey into his 50's, Hogan can bulk up on some 'roids and make an NFL team no problem. I see no excuse why your ailing fantasy team can't pick up Hogan in the first few rounds. Still not a believer? Think of Brett Favre being superplexed onto the cold, frozen-over turf at Lambeau Field.

4. FS Sean Marner

Sean is an average 26-year old who lives in his mother's basement and smokes reefer all day. He sometimes even gives hits to his cat, just for fun. Free safeties don't do much but wander around anyway, and Marner has been known to get himself "lost" all the time. Sean is said to have an NFL appetite after smoking, so look for him to fit in well with the Campbell's Chunky Soup advertisement campaign. Donovan McNabb's mom would love to have him aboard with the Philadelphia Eagles, and he is expected to sign a contract any day now... um, as soon as, you know, his 'bro can give him a ride over there. Sean should still be available (somehow!) in the fifth or sixth round of your draft.

 

3. DT Pat Robertson

The televangelist was once quoted as saying he could leg press 2200 pounds. Thats 800 pounds more than the record at Florida State University, and Robertson is a hobbling old man! Obviously Pat has the potential to be a surefire starter at defensive tackle, and since he has that whole "God" thing on his side, I see no reason why the New Orleans Saints can't go undefeated in 2008. If your league doesn't feature individual players on defense, then instead of going with your gut instinct and taking the Bears, pick New Orleans solely for Robertson's leg pressing ability.

 

2. QB Jamal Higgins

Jamal is a 62- year old janitor at Flint Central High school. He played a little ball back in his teenage years, but lord, dinosaurs were around back then. He often tells students that he could throw a football 3 miles in the air, and sometimes shows off his stellar arm when sprinkling sawdust over vomit in the school's cafeteria. Scouts are paying lots of attention to him, and he is close to inking a deal with the Miami Dolphins. Coincidentally, the Dolphins are trying to sign double digits in quarterbacks this season, but don't worry, Higgins will get plenty of playing time once Trent Green hits the deck with his 23rd concussion.

Side note: In Yahoo! Sports NFL Fantasy League, Higgins is owned by exactly 0% of all teams! UNBELIEVABLE! Get him while he's still available!

 

1. QB Vladmir Vladinkov

Vladinkov is a little-known peanut vendor for the Los Angeles Dodgers. He can hurl a bag of peanuts from section 112 all the way up to section 136 with incredible accuracy. He can also chuck a full beer up to 8 rows of seats without spilling a drop. Pete is what you would call an "illegal immigrant," and hence doesn't speak fluent English, so I doubt he understands the paperwork necessary for signing with a team. But if he shows up, look for him to go the Kansas City Chiefs to compete with Damon Huard and Brodie Croyle for the starting job. He could be a steal in the third round of your fantasy draft.

Honorable Mentions:

(DE) Don Imus (he needs a job anyway)

(DT) Santa Claus

(WR) Sean Marner's cat "Mary-jane"

 

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