Poorly shaven pubic region or patchy goatee? You decide.

Many men these days are taking a little extra time each day to make sure they look just right.  Some choose to call those people metro-sexuals, but when it comes down to it, we are all paying extra attention to our outward appearance. Men are focusing more and more on sporting the perfect haircut, wearing just the right shirt, or even smelling good, just in case you have a run in with Ms. Right. Being a man of the people, I’ve decided to point out something that most men simply overlook when it comes to their daily routine- their facial hair. Whether they are rocking a Grizzly Adams beard or proudly repping a thirteen year olds’ dirt moustache, men don't seem to put enough thought into their God given face warmers. Therefore, I’m going to break it down and tell you what your facial hair is telling the opposite sex.    

 

Let’s start simple, shall we? The classic clean-shaven look. When push comes to shove, you can’t go wrong with this one. It’s simple, it's easy to maintain, and the ladies love running their hands over your smooth cheeks. This look does have its downfalls though. It has the most demanding upkeep of any style one can go for. If you don’t shave every day you can end up looking like a man who just spent the night in the drunk tank at your local jail. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say women don’t find that sexy. Another problem lies in the fact that many men are simply ass-ugly, and probably shouldn't show off their hideous facial features without hiding behind some hair. But if you have the time to shave every morning, (and you're a baby face) it’s a great option. Otherwise, you'd be better suited with another look.    

 

Older ladies love the moustache!

Next I’m going to tackle an American classic- the moustache. I’m talking about a straight upper lip stash. To be honest, you should stick clear of this one unless you are one of a few things. A cop, a fireman, a married man with at least two kids, a porn star, or an Italian plumber from New York (princess is optional). The moustache just sends the wrong message in this day and age. It says "I want facial hair but I’m too lazy to do anything interesting." Women love creativity! You never want women to think you’re lazy and uninspired, at least not until you've got them in a committed relationship, at which point they'll have to deal with it.

 

The goatee is becoming a mainstay on the chins of today’s youth, and why not? A goatee can say a lot about you as a person. You can be the life of the party, or maybe the creepy recluse on the coach that no one knows (or invited). It is the most versatile facial hairstyle out there today. It goes from the boardroom to the bedroom with ease. The upkeep is simple too, so even the laziest dudes can handle it. Women like it because it keeps your upper lip free of hair (therefore keeping hair out of there mouth) but at the same time it reminds them that you aren’t a little kid. You are, in fact, a man. When it comes to sex appeal, the goatee is just as effective as bringing home a dead wild boar to your lady, without all the danger of killing a wild fucking boar. The only thing holding back the awesomeness of the goatee is its tendency to grow out of control. As a general rule, if you can braid it, then it’s just too long.

 

We’ve made it to my personal favorite. The well-groomed beard. This is one of the easiest looks to upkeep. All you need is a beard trimmer and thirty seconds a day and you’re set. Or if you don't have a trimmer handy... well, fuck it! Let it grow! In order for this look to work, it is essential that you can actually grow a beard. It will make you look older, and it can make you seem angry when you aren’t. There are also two different styles to choose from- the clean-shaven-under-the-chin-line and the beard-down-the-neck look. The style you choose should reflect your age.  Once your beard starts to turn gray you should probably look for a different facial hairstyle, but if you can't part with it, simply trim it up and shave your neck.  Women of all ages seem to like this look. They feel safe when they are with you, as if your beard will protect them from whatever might happen. And who knows, maybe you will pull something miraculous out of it in a tight spot.

I’ve walked you through some legitimate options when it comes to sporting suave styles on your face.  Now I’m going to tell you about some looks to stay clear of. 

The Grizzly Adams look. I’m talking straight-up beard never shaved at all for a year. Just say no. There is no reason for it, unless you're a trucker or biker who is married, lonely, or gay.

 

  The To Catch A Predator special, a handlebar moustache. No matter who you are or what you do for a living, this look will ensure everyone around that you are on the prowl for thirteen-year-old tail. 

 

No matter what facial hairstyle you go with please don’t color it. No blues, pinks, or purples. I’ll save you the time and effort when it comes to all of these colored looks: no it doesn’t look cool, no it’s not going to get you ass, and no your bros aren’t going to think it’s awesome.

 

Whatever you choose to do with your facial hair, keep it simple and let it reflect who you are. Be confident in your choice and reap the benefits of being the most metro-sexual of all your friends!

 

If you enjoyed this article, you will most certainly enjoy the rest of Arabianmonkey.com.

 

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